How did I get my scholarship?
Nothing could have prepared me for college athletics!!!! The amount of running. It required tons of time and effort. There was “tons” of running. I worked out all summer Arkansas. I lifted and ran at War Memorial Fitness Center in my home city. I was actually employed at the pool the summer before I left for college. I lived in the gym and at the track (pretty much). I followed the summer schedule mailed from my head coach. I was aware of the conditioning test I would have to endure and I was terrified.
I am often asked how I got my scholarship? It is more difficult now but my dad and I took matters in our own hands. I was playing AAU volleyball so my dad would come to watch my games (high school). He would record them for me so we could go back and watch them on VHS. I was so dedicated. Well I told my dad to record me talking one day. He recorded me talking (small intro) and I told him to record my game. I wanted to send it to the University of Memphis. I knew we had a couple of AAU tournaments coming up there and I wanted to invite the coach to watch me play. The other thing that helped me was attending the Razorback Volleyball camp at University of Arkansas my senior year. The coach there was interested. His name was Chris Poole. He came to the gym one morning of the camp. It was early. I had eaten breakfast and went over to the gym to work on blocking. It was a skill I learned the day before. He saw me in the dark gym and cut the lights on and came and talked to me. We had a conversation. He (Coach Poole) gave me good feedback. He told me I was tall and athletic. He said you can really jump but you are very behind with your technical skills. I want you to be a Razorback but I would have to send you to Junior College first. I had no idea what Junior College was at the time. He gave my parents the contact information of Coach Knight and gave Coach Knight my parents information. My parents and I were crazy about Coach Knight from day one.
Recruiting
My parents and I were no strangers to recruiting. My 9th grade year going into high school (which used to be 10th grade) every High School Coach in the City came and talked to my parents about me coming to play basketball. Yes! Basketball! I was an athlete!!! I went to Louisiana Tech Basketball my senior year and made there All Star Team. I met T. Weatherspoon before the WNBA was birthed. She was cold. I was recruited by a small Junior College in Alabama from that camp but I was so over basketball. I wanted to do something different. I was also offered by the Division 1 school in my city to play volleyball. I was told I would stay at home instead of on campus and the state my mom and I were in at the time. Ummm….no! I was offered by Coach Knight with the intent to be a Razorback but I picked University of Memphis. It was a 4 year school D1.
I never understood the concept of the dumb athlete either like to be able to manipulate your body to perform? To be able to run plays and bs strategic. I still use those skills now. We were not just our there as robots and those volleyball comes like missiles and learned to hit the ball exactly where I wanted it to go. Like I know it is stereotype but I loved school and sports. .
The other issue was that darn ACT. That thing was awful. I made a 17 at best. How could someone that was a National Honor Society Grad not pass the ACT ( then someone said it only determines how you will do your Freshman year)? Well the first semester I had a 3.1 and the second semester I had a 3.5 GPA. I never understood it. In all that stress and trauma, I was still compartmentalizing it all.
Moving Day
My dad was a dedicated employee. He took very little time off work therefore I had to be dropped off early on the college campus. I was placed in the dorm we would live in for preseason. It felt like the dorm was 100 stories high and I was at the very top all alone. I was dropped off a couple of days before everyone else. I cried myself to sleep the first night. I was happy to be free of my mother’s reign but at the same time I was out on my own. I was nervous. Was I going to make it? Would I end up back at home? These thoughts were racing through my head “over and over” again. I cannot fail. I cannot fail. I can do it. After a couple of days of eating tons of junk and watching tv and tons of anxiety the rest of the team arrived. I always loved being part of a team. It was somewhat like a sisterhood. We laughed. We had fun. We danced. We sang. We bonded instantly. I had become a diligent writer. I want to make sure to take the time to track this journey.
I dreamed of being a Division 1 Athlete. I had written it down as one of my life goals. I slept with those goals under my pillow for 2 YEARS. I slept with a volleyball my junior and senior year of high school. I studied the game. I wanted to jump higher and run faster than anyone. I wanted to be the best. I had the athletic ability but lacked the technical skills. How would I ever catch up? Preseason was a nightmare. The running!!! I hated long distance running. There was something mentally about a track. I hate running on a track (on South Campus). Our team was required to meet “time” for a 2 mile test, a 1.5 mile test and 1 mile test! It was a nightmare. I remember the day of our first test one of my teammates collapsed. I remember everyone being in a panic. I was in a panic. We had to call 911. It was very hot. Sprints however were my thing. I loved running sprints. I could run sprints all day. I enjoyed the little burst of energy. I loved the way my body responded to the recovery time and I was mentally able to push on after catching my breath. I was a sprinter!
My teammate did recover only to quit. We had two all conference player quit during preseason. I could not understand why but as time went on I did. Our coach was big on mental toughness. I felt like I was in the military. She played with our heads. I know she was always in my head.
The Memphis heat burned our skin as we ran day after day. Our practice consists of what they called “3 a days”. We had 3 practices in a day. I remember my desire for rest had intensified every day. My joints, muscles, my feet! Everything hurt on me. My only high point was our Tuesday and Thursday practice at the Hyper building at the pool.
Every day we started at 6am. We met in the male dorm for buffet style breakfast. This was the highlight of my day. This (breakfast) and lunch! I could see all the handsome football players. However, never at my cutest but always with the least amount of clothes. They did not mind my hair all over my head. Volleyball players were thick players (white or black). We had big legs and big butts from all that jumping and running. My freshman year, I stood 5’10 and 163 lbs. I had a 6 pack. I had abs of steel. I worked hard on my body. It was my temple.
My Freshman year I met a lot of opposition. I was battling mental trauma and I had a coach that did everything in her power to trigger it. I think the thing that hurt the most about my experience with my coach was the fact she looked like me. She was a black female coach in a white dominated [UT1] sport and I looked up to her. The only black female coach I had in any sport was my cousin Cynthia which ended up being my coach after my dad retired from coaching me in softball. I was hoping to learn a lot from her. However, I felt like my coach was more concerned about winning and destroying my character. I never felt any love, compassion, or appreciation. I never felt any mutual respect NEVER. I was terrified before more practices. There were mornings I would throw up. I was afraid of this woman. Fear consumes me the entire season. I also became the butt of most jokes. I became the weakest link. I was given the nickname of LJ because surprisingly there were two Laceys. I was LACEY and she was LACY. I was black and she was white. We were both freshmen. One thing I learned in the world of volleyball color did not matter. Until my Senior year I can honestly say I did not have any horrific exchanges within my team or at any games. We were sisters and I honestly loved my teammates. We laughed, we danced, we sang, we watched tv, we slept, we traveled. We were together! We were a team. The Team dynamics were great in JUCO and D1 (particularly Arkansas State after I transferred) volleyball.
“The fieldhouse”!! It was trimmed in blue. Oh, how I loved the color blue and the color gray. I loved our practice shirts that held the catchy phrases like “Diggiin” Memphis. That was my favorite. Our uniforms were to die for and I looked pretty awesome in mine. At 5’10 and 163 lbs. I think 20lbs of that was booty and man did it always make a scene anywhere I went. I ended up grown 2 inches my freshman year putting me at 6ft. I was from a small school in Arkansas. I was not used to attention. When preseason was over and the men hit campus and I was headed to classes. The entertainment began. I was so entertained. How I had good sense my freshman year . I was not sleeping with anyone. I loved going on dates. I had an endless supply of suitors. Somehow in all my dating I got labeled as a whore. It was my coaches belief I was sleeping around which was untrue. I think Freshman year I was afraid of everything. I was requested to go to the infirmary on campus and given a pregnancy test. It ended up being negative which I could have told them before I took it. I was trying to figure out how I got this label when I knew what some of my teammates were doing. I am was trying to talk sense into them. She went even as far as to tell my parents I was always in the male dorm. I had never been in the male dorm outside of the Lobby. My parents were really trying to come down on me and I finally turned them and said look….you guys raised me….does this sound like me? They finally apologized later after conversations with other parents. I can honestly say we were warned. My club coach warned me when I signed my scholarship that the Head Coach was a handful and I had to bring that back to my parents attention
I have met my share of star athletes. The potential NBA players. I have met my share of professional athletes. I even went out on a couple of dates. Most were JERKS and they worked my nerves. They were accustomed to dumb silly ass girls doing everything for them. I always felt like I was the “ish” too. The constant attention was giving me a big head. However, my big head was deflated at every practice. Our normal practice began with 15 minutes in the blue. My coach’s practice was to push me to my limits. There was a breaking process. The breaking process began in my mind. The exercise of 15 minutes in the blue required me to stay at the front of the pack. If LJ fell to the back of the group, the team would be required to complete the exercise again as LJ watched. There were so many days I wanted to quit. I sucked. My freshman year I was terrible. I felt like I had two left feet. The footwork! The amount of time it took to reprogram myself. The amount of time it took to educate myself on the technique. All of this while having classes, practice, and traveling. The travel was great. I enjoyed being part of Conference USA. I took my first trip to the Beach. I went to South Padre Island. We played Central Florida. We went to DePaul. We went to Marquette. We played Wisconsin University. I will never forget playing Houston. It was the first time I saw a packed volleyball game. The crowd was a beast. We went to Clemson. We were able to travel all over. I do thank the coach for those experiences. I was a inner city kid that had not seen much of anything. I paid for it out my ass “tho”. She beat the breaks off of us. Pit drills were the worst. A pit drill is a drill that volleyballs come flying in different directions and you have to try to touch them all. We traveled all over. I saw states and places I would have never seen without the opportunity to play.
Austin Hayes:
Then one day I met HIM. He was tall (about 6’3). He was thin. He had the most beautiful eyes and pretty teeth. He had beautiful brown skin. He had a wonderful sense of humor and was very different. He did not curse. He did not smoke. He did not drink. He wasn’t a gang banger. He was so handsome even to this day I still think he is the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on at 44. He reminds me a lot of my dad. He has such a great spirit and has always helped me stay grounded and positive. We share a love of music and debating. Yes, we are still “really good” friends. Our only issue has been timing. Our timing is always off. Still off to this day but his presences settles my heart and calms my soul. His name is Austin Hayes. He was a football player and the day I met him it was “over” for everyone else even his TEAMMATES. He was a local player so I was able to visit his him at home as well. I even came back to visit with him when I left and went to JUCO. He was/is my dawg! We hung out. We ate. We played card games with other friends. He was a crush and bestie all in one.
The day we met face to face was October 5, 1995. I wrote it down in my journal. I met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. The sad part is I still feel the same most days! It comes and goes. However, timing is everything and our timing is always off. It has been off for the past 25 years. It has always amazed me how we lose contact and run right into each other. I always said it had to be divine. How in all of Memphis?? I ran right into him over and over again. When we reconnect, it is like we never missed a beat. A lot of times sitting, listening to music, watching football or a movie. We never even touch. We will debate and the man is so smart is a walking encyclopedia and a great sense of humor. He is very calm. He is very cool and collected. I don’t think much ever bothers him.
Bitter sweet:
The day I was saved. I went up to block with my coach and came down on her foot. It rolled my ankle. It was so painful. I mean instant pain but in all that pain swelling a bruising it meant the mental and physical abuse would end so I thought. I was taken off the travel team instantly. I couldn’t travel. I was in so much pain my ankle was huge. I would constantly have to ice and come to therapy. It was so cold walking across campus in a boot to class. The injury happened late October. Our season ended in November so I missed 3 travel games but I could go to the last one at Arkansas State University. The Convocation Center. The Arkansas State Indians were a powerhouse at home. They had a crowd and I had no idea that in a year or so I would be playing on that very court. They killed us and I am happy to say University of Memphis and Arkansas State played each other every year and every year I was an Indian we beat the Memphis Tigers. I saw a couple of my old teammates. I think some hated they stayed after the new coach came in because they became practice players. It was great to see them and not be a butt of all the jokes. It was great to let them see how I had progressed in my game.
Even in injury the cycle of abuse continued, I was very depressed when I was taken off the travel squad but Austin was not my only friend I had a group of girlfriends! OMG! We had so much fun my freshman year. Parties!!!! We did hair! We ate! We hung out! It was like a huge slumber party all the time. I loved these young ladies so much. My girlfriends, on campus events, Austin (and other male suitors), and my teammates life was manageable. Therefore after my injury my friends wanted to cheer me up. Hey Lacey! There is a party! I am looking down like how am I going to a party with this big ass boot.
..to be continued
Smiling Through It All 