I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder and PTSD after my ex and I separated. I struggled with these things for years but I think the diagnosis is what made it real. I thought to myself I am flawed I have a medical condition. After a total meltdown after a martial counseling session I had to come to the realization this is what my life is now. I had lemons and now it was time to make lemonade. My first step was to conquer all the skeletons in my closet. I participated in a year of trauma counseling. It was so hard. Most days I had to go home and laydown before being at work a 12pm. I carried skeltons from childhood until the age of 42. It was about survival. It was about being health not only for ” Lacey” but being healthy for my children. The first thing I had to do on this journey was get equipped. What would my tool kit consist of?
What did I like? I liked music. I liked exercise. I was a dedicated yogi at one point and loved mediation. That was it! I loved to read. I loved to learn and I loved kids. That would be my main focus to conquer this journey!
Music, yoga, exercise, books, meditation and my kids were “my” key components.
I made a promise to myself to mediate every night even if only 5 mins. Read something everyday and write everyday (even if it was something I was grateful for). I was armed with my tool kit. I was ready.
The first month of separation was pretty awesome. I slept so good. It was like a weight had been lifted. I felt freedom to mold my future. It felt like a new start and then my oldest son had to go off to college.
I felt myself spiraling. It was hard but we raise our kids to go out into the world and it was his time to go. It was really hard on the younger kids. I had a set of 5 year old twins and a 9 year old that was missing dad and now big brother. Many nights I remember us all crying. I tried very hard to hide it and be strong for them but sometimes I just could not hold it. The strange part was I wasn’t said that my marriage was over. I was sad “the idea” of my marriage had ended. I was tired of constant competition. I was tired of lies and betrayal but I was able to compartmentalize in the name of my children. I was hurt for them. I knew I would be strong. I was concerned about the long term effects on them.
However, I began to meditate with them.
We moved out of our 2600 sq ft home into a 1100 sq ft apartment. The kids were in shock at first but they began to enjoy momma’s room being so close. I promised them after the one year we would move back into a home and that is what we did with more room and more space.
Everyone had their own space even the twins could have separate rooms if they wanted too.
I had to adjust to no Male support in the home. About a year out God connected me with a crush I had a college and we never crossed the line and he became the best support system a girl could have. When I needed to cry he was there. When I needed to vent he was there.
I was also presented with another unconventional friendship and with those two I was on top. I think it was the “the male presences” I had over a decade that was killing me. The best part they were solid friendship I still hold today. If I need a shoulder to cry on they are their even at 285 lbs they always told me I was beautiful, smart, strong and my ex was an idoit which a girl loves to hear and now at 100lbs less yep 100 those 2 dudes are still there..my goons! 🤣🤣🤣
They are respectful. My kids still have not seen me interact with anyone outside of their father but they are smart and nosey!!! Especially those twins
Mommy is that daddy (on the phone)?
Mommy do you have a boyfriend?
The process:
Holidays are hard!
Child support lets not even talk about it
Visitation is hard. My kids hate leaving me and I hate to see them go but I have learned to appreciate the downtime. I need time to myself. I can honestly say I can’t tell you the last time I have struggled with depression anxiety or PTSD because I am prepared. I know my triggers. It is much harder to flip my lid and knock me off my square. I know how to manifest and utilize principles such as law of attraction and most importantly I know GOD!
I love you on purpose. I accept myself 100% and all these have changed my world. Lacey Johnson is now ready for the world. ❤❤❤
- My Big Ugly Secret
- Love
- Volleyball, not just a game!
- Finding Friendship in Unexpected Places
- Laid back day!
Smiling Through It All 