Nothing makes you understand the importance of your existence like a near death experiences. In my case, I can’t real say my experience was near death because I was not actually living in the home at the time of the fire. I was living in another city. Thank GOD! I was 37 weeks pregnant with my twins and my husband at the time had taken a job in Nashville and we had just moved (less than 4 weeks). I wanted to stay in Memphis throughout my whole pregnancy because I loved my doctor so much and I wanted stay around family and friends but taking children to school, no sleep (the twins had me huge and swollen), trying to sell our home (which means keeping it clean). We ended up hiring a cleaning service (my husband was a real MVP for that move). It was just too much so 4 weeks before the twins were due I moved to Nashville. The home sold to the first couple that viewed it. I spoke the tragedy up in a since. I said that was so easy that was to good to be true. Why? Why? Why Lacey?
….but lets go back to the start!
My last 3 children were intentional. I remember getting really offended when people felt they had the right to make a statement about my ex-husband and I having 4 kids. I recall being in Target one day after moving to Nashville and an older Caucasian lady looks at me and says “Honey, I don’t envy”. I told her well you should. My kids love me and I am great mother. Her face was very shocked at my response. I was an only child so I knew I was going to have more than one child. I have tons of friends in my neighborhood but I always felt very lonely. I always had everything I wanted but it would have been nice to have someone else to play with. I became pregnant with Ivan on my honeymoon. My husband didn’t have any children and we wanted to get pregnant right away. I never thought getting pregnant would ever be a problem but after or first son Ivan getting pregnant a second time was harder at 37. However, I conceived the twins and I found so early in the pregnancy. I may have been 6 weeks. I found out really early. After finding out I was afraid to tell anyone because I was afraid I would lose them. I know. It was really silly…then one day my ex (husband at the time) said lets make an announcement. My face said it all. FEAR!!!! I know I am not the only lady that took my miscarriage as if I had done something wrong. I did. I felt so bad. I kept asking myself…did I work to much? Did I travel too much? Maybe if I just sat down. It was crazy. I had fixed in my head I killed my baby and I may kill these too. However, the old me kicked in. I am busy body and I cannot be in one place. Anywho, the twins were healthy. The only real issue I had was high blood pressure. I had so much fluid on me. My ankles! My legs! I hurt so bad. The twins were so heavy. The largest twin (which was also the youngest) was horizontal the whole pregnancy or transverse breach. It was so painful to have a more than 7 pound baby across my stomach. Miss “Baby B” was taking up all the food from Miss “Baby A”. Baby B is still bigger than her older sister to this day. I wanted to know the gender of the twins. I could not wait until ultrasound day. On the day of the first ultrasound Baby B would not cooperate!! Do we sense a going theme here with Baby B?? Well Baby B has always lived by her own will. She still has the same spirit to this day that I can appreciate. Baby A was thought to be a BOY. I even went out an purchased a blue bib that day! Well we were wrong. The twins were girls which we found out in the second ultrasound. Baby A & B put on a whole show. I think they did because dad was in town. I was glad for my “girls”. I kept thinking in my head….what would I do with 4 boys. I did not know at the time that girls are a different animal all together. The night of the fire I remember it like it was yesterday. My husband and I would call each other Honey. I remember after the separation I had to reprogram myself not to say “HONEY”. That was an adjustment for me. I have called this man HONEY for 12 years. That is whole different story.
On the night of July 9th, I recalled my husband coming in the bedroom and saying “the house is on fire”! I looked at him…what house? He said the house at home. The house in Memphis! The house in CORDOVA! He said “our neighbor called and the home is on fire and there a fire trucks and fire fighters all down the street. The neighbor sent the pics below.
After the fire, my husband had to travel to Memphis to walk the property with the assessor (insurance company). Prior to that day my Bestie called to check on me. I told her I was well and I told her about my husband idea of traveling to walked the property. My Bestie thought it may be a great idea if came came to see me while my husband traveled to Memphis. I thought I would be ok but I welcomed her company. Well….needless to say I went in labor. We leaved outside of Nashville 20-30 minutes so the drive to the hospital seemed to take a while and the GPS was sending us in circles. It is funny now but it was not funny then. We did make it to the hospital in time. The twins had to be born C-section because Baby B was transverse breach. I actually had a C Section Schedule in 3 days but babies come when they are ready. My epidural did not take and the Baby A’s heartrate was low so I had to be put to sleep. When I woke up from the surgery the nurse was entering with two babies and my husband was entering in the room. I always say we both missed the birth.
The housefire let me know that my children and I have purpose. We are here for a reason. We could have been in that home. The portion of the home burned the most is where I slept with my 4 year old child at the time. Would I have been able to get down the stairs and get both children out of the home? I am glad I will never find out. I am just glad God saw fit for us to move. The home was rebuilt; there were issues but that is another story that will be found in the book.
I still have a reason to smile. I still have a reason to love. I still have a reason to hope!
Smiling Through It All 