3.03.1911
My grandmother moved to Little Rock, AR after my grandfather passed away. She was a single mom of 4 after my grandfather passed away. She worked in a domestic compacity for years. She moved from a small city of Callion, Arkansas where she was born and raised. The town grew around the Ouachita River Lock and Dam. It was incorporated in 1921 and named Calion after the first three letters of Calhoun County and the final three letters of Union County. The town was plagued with floods as simlar towns in near by Louisiana. I would often her stories of the whole family having to be rescued via boat and constant flooding. Her mother (my great granny) was bi-racial. Her grandmother was a squaw (Native American) and Caucasian with hair so long she sat on it. I remember my great granny sitting in a chair and my “toddler” self on the floor playing with her hair. She was well versed about natural herbs and berries. My mother recalls being ill and her grandmother (my great granny) going into the woods and pulling berries and creating natural medicines to heal them as kids over and over again. My grandmother aka Mama Rose was a combination of Caucasian, African-American and Native-American. A few years back I pulled the census recording from Ancestry.com and for her race it read “Mulatto”. Mama Rose was beautiful and full of spunk. Her little laugh would light up a room. She had a smile that warmed my heart. She loved Avon. She kept an up to date Avon booklet right next to her recliner. The infamous recliner that she sat in daily. her Avon book, that recliner and her little dog (Tricksey) were a symbols of life as child She had beautiful soft naturally curly hair. She was a plus size woman and her hands were soft as pillows. I loved to hug and give her a kiss on the cheek. I still remember her smell. I called her Mama Rose but she was my grandmother. Her favorite flower was a pink rose and I wish I could have given her one everyday. We spent our summers together watching soap operas or “her stories”. I loved her so much. We laughed and played and talked all summer. I would just sit under her all day. Some days we would go out on her screened in porch and people watch. People watching was the best. She knew everything about everyone in the whole neighborhood.
My mom was a teacher at local private school but they were “year around” so she would drop me off in the morning. I would take my dolls over. I would take my puzzles and other things and Mama and I would have a great time until my mother or dad came to pick me up. We did this every summer for years until I was old enough to stay at home alone. We laughed. We played. She made sure I had breakfast and lunch.
In junior high and high school. I was FOUR sport athlete. I played softball (every Summer). I ran track in the Spring. I played basketball and volleyball in the Fall. School and sports were my life from 7-12th grade. One evening after practice, my mom came in my room and she told me my Grandmother was sick and she was coming to live with us. Our home was only 2 bedrooms. We had large home but with no additional bedroom. My parents room and my room. I was told that my grandmother would be moving into my room and I could sleep in my mother’s room (in her bed) or make a pallet in the living room. I was 15 at the time so I decided to make a pallet in the living room and share my room with my Mama Rose. I was happy she was coming to live with us but I was sad she was sick. She was definitely the only person I could talk to about anything. She was not judgmental. She was stern yet loving and caring. She was the only person that truly understood my mother. She provided so much incite about life and my mother. She taught me to always be loving and caring. She taught me to be a person of compassion and the importance of finding my passion. She told me it was ok to be a tomboy. My mother at times looked at me with disgust with my big bulk tennis shoes, my gym shorts and smelly clothes. my grandmother would ask me how my practice. She would ask me if we won? She would ask me how many points I scored. She cared. She showed me care and concern when I needed it the most. What teenage girl doesn’t need an adult best friend.
My grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer shortly after she moved in. She fought it. She fought so hard. She had gone through the process of getting her breast removed. She had been in and out of the hospital for two years by then. They were going to do some experimental treatments on her. The experimental treatment consisted of radiation. The radiation was so strong all of her beautiful natural curly hair came out. I remember nights she would cry and I would go in the bedroom to talk to her and try to comfort her. I felt so helpless. The process of watching someone I love die was so painful. It hurt so bad. My heart was so broken to see her in pain.
I saw my beautiful plus size grandmother go down to 98 lbs. It was so heartbreaking. I would always tell her how beautiful she was to me. It was like watching your best friend die. Every evening I came home I would run to my bedroom to see her and tell her about my day. My practice and my games. My mother began to develop some jealousy around our relationship. I love my mother but we have never seen eye to eye about anything. She has never accepted me. My mother is very proper and boogie. I have always been somewhat tomboyish and goofy. I love sports. She wanted the daughter with the dresses and pig tails and ruffles and lace. She did not get that and has trying to transform me into that since I was adopted. This has always made our relationship strained. My grandmother accepted me as I was. She was my everything. I could tell her anything. I told her about all my crushes. She was always laughing and smiling. She was my mother. She understood what it meant to be maternal. Mother was very frustrated with caring for my grandmother. My grandmother would cry most nights. She was in a lot of pain. Mother and I constantly fought because she was always yelling at her and I thought it was unfair. I understood she had to work. I had to go to school. We were all up late. We all missed sleep. It was a long “few” years. I look back and understand my other was doing the best she could at the time.
One morning I got dressed, kissed my grandmother and headed to the bus stop. I recall telling Mama Rose I would see her that afternoon when I got home. When I got off the bus that afternoon my uncle was there to pick me up. That very odd. My uncle never came to pick me up. When I got in the car with him he said “Sweetheart, Mama Rose has passed away”. I remember thinking this can’t be real. I told her I would be back. I had just saw her that morning. As soon as the car pulled in the drive way I ran in my room. She was gone! The mattress was gone. The box spring was gone. The whole bed was striped. I was devastated. The only person that knew me. The only person that understood me. The only person that accepted me had left me. She was gone!
In the 90’s talking about anything was very taboo. I lost two grandparents in my teenage years and the life changing events were never discussed. I always felt like “i was missing” something. There is a human being, a loved one, my grandmother/grandfather loving here and now they are gone and NO ONE is talking about it. I know these were different times back then but I don’t feel like I never got a chance to process these issues and/or life changing events.
The funeral service for my Mama Rose was not a somber event! It was funny! Her spirit was all over the place. I think this was the only thing that gave me peace. She has come to visit me many time since her passing. She is always with me. She is my biggest supporter. She is my ‘shero”
Smiling Through It All 