Based on a True Story: From “only child” to oldest child!
Adoption is confusing for most people. The internet defines adoption “as the action or fact of legally taking another’s child and bringing it up as one’s own, or the fact of being adopted”. In my case, that is exactly what happened. I was adopted at 18 months and raised with the same family until I was 18 years old. Adoption for me was a blessing in most cases. I think life could’ve possibly been much worse without my adoptive parents. I always wondered about my biological parents however, I wonder about them on my birthday and most special occasion when I experienced successful moments. Moments like my high school and college graduation, or my wedding day. I always wondered who I looked like. Mom? Dad? Both? The birth of my children always made me wonder about my biological mom and dad. These thoughts have run through my mind for 44 years.
A month ago, I was online trying to get a birth certificate for my updated Passport and something said look at the adoption website to see if anything has been updated and I discover some of the laws in Arkansas have changed which makes it much easier for children and parents in a “closed” adoption to find out information surrounding the adoption. Therefore, I called my best friend and gave him the update, and he said I think you should do it. He stated clearly “that is 100.00 I would spend without hesitation. The fee for the information was 100.00.
My next step was to gather my information I need to submit to get the results. I had to send over a copy of my birth certificate, a copy of my work identification, a copy of my W-2 and my driver license. I mailed everything off and in no TIME the results were returned! I think it was less than a week and information was back. I came home on a lunchbreak and package from FedEx was on my porch. When I spotted the package, I was confused! I was thinking to myself “can’t be”. I am sure it is not what I think it is. I was shaking! I was shaking so bad as opened the enveloped. When I opened the envelope, I saw My biological mothers name and I saw my original name. Once I found my biological mom’s first and last name, I went straight to social media. I found her on Facebook. The moment I saw her I knew she was my mother. We have the exact same smile. The smile that my youngest son has that just melts my heart. I didn’t know what to think or feel. I was happy but then worry hit. Will she want to me? Will she love me? Is she at place in her life to accept me?
After a peep talk from a dear friend, I had the courage I needed to make the call. I sent a direct message on Facebook and waited an hour and no response. I then noticed she was sending messages from Linked In. I thought to myself….Hmmm! I decided to find her on Linked In and see if she had a phone number. There was a number on LinkedIn. I picked up the phone and called. When she picked up, I was so nervous! However, I took a deep breath and said “Hello, my Lacey Johnson-Upchurch. I was put up for adoption in 1977. Before, I could finish my long drawn out spill…she said I am your Momma Baby! I had the biggest sigh of relief. I cried. I cried. I laughed and then I cried some more. My mother! I found her. I had so many questions. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to see her. March 11th was one of the best days of my life.
Then March 12th became the worst day of my life. I was lying in bed and I received a phone call from my Bestie back home. I answered and my Bestie told an ambulance is at my parents’ home and father has fallen. I jumped and threw clothes and I grabbed a quick bag for the kids and I was on the road back home. As I was packing us up I felt a strange feeling. I felt unusually calm and it was as if I knew the man I knew as my father was gone. However, I kept moving forward to get the kids packed up and jump on the road. As I was driving my Bestie called again and asked me to pull over. I told her I could not pull over. She said well I just wanted to tell you…your father didn’t make it. I knew it was coming but I was still in shock. It still hurt. There were still instant tears. I had to instantly stop and call my oldest son. I wanted him to hear it from me. My oldest son could receive the full “Paw Paw” experience. He understands my father spirit like I do. My father would carry him everywhere when he was younger just like I wanted to be by my dad’s side my son did also. I remember my dad giving him a bath when he was a baby. I remember my dad carrying my son to church with him with a baby bag. My dad and my oldest son were so close. I was almost jealous of their bond. I wanted to say “THAT’S MY DADDY”. However, I was willing to share because I know how important the relationship is/was between those two. I was grateful my son could get grandfather- grandson experience.
My son took it hard. However, he was strong for me. He was strong for his siblings. My younger children loved their grandfather as well. The nicknamed him Broccoli because he had curly hair that would fall over and look like broccoli. My father always thought it was so funny and it was their little joke and they would all laugh.
I arrived at our home and there was wall to wall family. People I loved and had not seen in years (my cousins and uncle). It felt good to be around family. I continued to talk to my mom and she asked if I had met Robert Broadmore. Robert Broadmore? She said “yes” that is your dad. I went back to the internet and looked-for Robert Broadmore. My mother said he was in the Army and from the same hometown I was from. I found a handsome fair skinned man. My biological mother stated my biological father was tall. I was told he was 6’3. My original paper said he was 5’3. I thought to myself for year. My dad was 5’3 and my mom 5’10. It was a “typo”. I looked at the pictures to do comparisons to door and people. I thought to myself “this guy is pretty tall”. I also noticed he had children. Do I have more siblings? Mother told me I have one brother. He is 31 years old. I have not met my brother yet I was excited to have one sibling now I could possibly have 4!! I was ecstatic and then the same fears came back. What if they don’t want to meet me? What if they don’t want to accept me as their sister? I prayed about it and pushed on. I reached out to my father the same was I reached out to my mother. I went his direct messages and sent him a message. I told him who I was. I told him who my mother was, and I asked him to please call me. I then decided to reach out to my sister. I noticed we had the same birthday. I thought sure she is younger than me. I then looked at the year and thought “NO WAY”. My sister and I were born on the same day. We are in fact the same age! I am older than her by a few hours. I decided to send her a direct message and she and I could tell by her response she was a very sweet person. She simply stated, ‘she was going to reach out to my dad and get back with me”. She was not rude! She did not dismiss my claims. I was very grateful. She reached out to my dad and what seemed like no time she followed up and wanted to meet up the next day. I could barely sleep. I was mourning the loss of the father that raised me but excited to meet my biological mother and now biological father. My emotions were on a roll coaster and having to explain all this to my children. My children knew I was adopted. They understood I did not know who my biological parents were but they knew Granny and Paw-Paw raised. They were excited at the thought of more grandparents. They were mourning the loss of their grandmother on their father side when my dad past. This was another big loss for my kids which were already struggling in school and showing out behavior-wise with the loss of one grandparent. We were just gaining some type of normalcy.
I also reached out to our mutual friends on Facebook. I asked do you know the Broadmores? Everyone I asked said they were good people. Another strange coincidence, I had a cousin on my adoptive side with the last name “Broadmore” that was murdered. I found out later he was related to me on the biological and adoptive side. God rest his soul. I remember him being such handsome young man and remember my cousin’s being really devastated. It was sad. The other strange coincidence was I lived on “Broadmore” street. The universe was sending me clues all these years. Lacey Densie Broadmore! I am so glad my adoptive parents let me keep my first name. That was the connecting factor.
One night I was on the phone, she told me she left me with baby doll (which was all she could give me). I quickly said I still have my doll. One thing my adoptive mom was great at was keeping everything. She kept my baby doll for me that biological mom left with me. My mom was so emotional. She said you still have it. I said “yes ma’am. I still have my doll and one of our visits when she was in town I took the doll over it so she could see it. She didn’t know how that doll provided comfort for me. I would hold her. My twin daughters played with it and my youngest daughter Ivy loved it so much I allowed her to take it to show and tell. I was so nervous she would leave it. However, I still have a my sweet baby doll to this day and I slept with the night my mother left and returned to Florida.
The next issue to tackle was my adoptive mom! How will she take this? Will she be mad? Is this too much to soon? I really didn’t know how to approach her but I knew I had to. I did not want anyone in our family to tell her before I did. I decided the best way to present this to her is with excitement so she was sitting on the sofa in her normal spot. I hugged her and gave her a kiss. I held her hand told her “mom I am here for you and as long as I am here you will always have somewhere to stay”. We discussed it was not safe for her to stay alone and she would have to move out of state with me. She was initially opposed to it but she came to the realization that she needed me. I decided to capture this moment. I told her Mommy, I contacted my biological mom. She was happy! She smiled. I also then said I found my dad too. She was even more excited. I told her about my siblings, nieces, and nephews. She was so happy for me. She said, “Oh baby”.
I am so happy for you! This made me so happy. We have had our differences. I have overcome a lot of trauma and I am healed. It was a long process but I am healed. I am not mad. I am not bitter. I am happy and grateful. I underwent almost 2 years of trauma counseling. I put in the work to prepare me for this moment.
My first meeting with my dad was great. My sisters were present. I was smiling and happy. I listen to his words intensely. My oldest son was there. He sat with amusement. My father did not know of my existence. It was my understanding he was away in the Military at the time of my birth. However, he agreed there was no denying me! Our height, our eyes, our lips and resemblance with my sisters is astonishing. It felt so good to hug him. It felt good to touch him. I felt like a baby! I could tell he has the same gentle spirit as my adopted dad. I could see hurt and disappointment in his face (at the thought me being adopted). It kind of hurt me because, I really want us to have a clean slate. He was so apologetic. I told him I am not mad. I am not upset. I am just ready to move forward. 45 years old and I have waited to long for anything to go left (wrong).
I met my brother. He drove in from Texas. My brother is the youngest and we look so much alike it is scary. At our introduction, he stated “I am real brother and real uncle”. He has already stepped in and made a bond with my oldest son which he needs right now. I have a brother from my adoptive family. He is the same age as my biological mom and dad and I feel because of age difference and geography we were never able to bond. I was really raised as an only child which has its benefits and drawbacks (which is another story).
The next step was to meet my mother. She was driving down to help in whatever way she could. She drove 14 hours to see me. She stayed with me the next 17 days. I had my dad and mom. I couldn’t believe it. I sent a text or talked to my parents every day. I was then afraid to let my biological mom know I was in contact with my dad. I wanted that reunion to go smoothly if possible. I didn’t know if they were in contact with each other. I did not know if they left on bad terms and I knew all this was delicate. Therefore, I asked each of them if that wanted talk. The both agreed and I was so glad my Bestie could be there to help mediate this reunion. It was very smooth. I don’t think this transition could be more perfect. I was like a kid in candy store. I looked at my mom and then I looked at my dad. I looked like both them. The resemblance was unreal.
My mom arrived and I ran to the hotel. I was so nervous. I met my biological baby sister before our first meeting. She gave me some words of encouragement and I was ready. Our first interaction was just like we had been in contact for years. I could see her. I could touch her. I could kiss her. She was there! I laid on her. She held me. I felt like a kid all over again. The pieces to my puzzle have been put together. I was so proud of her. I was proud of my dad too. They were both doing well and looking well. I was thankful I was not leaving this earth without meeting them and to have relationship with them is just icing on the cake.
Both my biological parents attended my adoptive dad’s funeral. They wanted to tell him thank you. They both had an opportunity to hug my adoptive mother at the funeral and when both of my mother’s hugged at the funeral I knew my dad’s spirit was in the room. My father loving spirit will always live on.
The back story is this….my parents were very young. My mother 17 and my father 18 years old. I was happy that they could have successful careers in the military. My mother is retired from the Navy and my father from the Army. My adoptive parents were older and more settled with established careers. They were married 13 years before I was adopted. They were ready for someone to love on. My biological parents did not have the support they needed to take care of me as a single mom of 4 I can truly understand (with a college degree and a career). I still need support. It truly takes a village. Though in the beginning stages of our relationship; I am very optimistic. I don’t think there is anything more important than family. I text my biological parents and siblings daily and get to see my adoptive mom daily. I am at peace. I miss my dad so much. I just wish I could hear his voice or give him and hug or kiss one last time. He was truly my heart. He was truly the best human being I have ever met. I could not tell you the last time we have so much as a disagreement.
The love, the phone calls, the text messages, the money! My mother and I were showered with love. My dad was a good man and loved by so many people. His service was very simple and short. He was a man of few words. He was a simple man and I think his service was a representation of who he was. My mother made it a point to be that way.
Please note most of my stories contain some fictional elements and names have been adjusted and changed to protect the identity of characters in my story.
Smiling Through It All 